No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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