I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
