Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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