just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
