We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
