i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
