Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
