Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
