I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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