I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
