I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i believe in u and ur pee
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
