Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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