If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
