Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
