wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
