He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
