***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
