By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
