she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
