That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
