drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
