Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
