So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He passed out mid-signature
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
