she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
