Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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