I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
