Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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