someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this boner is exhausting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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