Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
