You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
