The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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