so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
