yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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