how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
