I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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