Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
