just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
