he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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