I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
