ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
