OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
