these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
