If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
