were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
