summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Two words: blizzard sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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