Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
