p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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