just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
