My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
