she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
