Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
