I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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