My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
