1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did we literally take a cab across the street
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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