she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
