so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
