It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
