I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
