I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
