I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
