I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My ass is underappreciated
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
