I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
