at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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