So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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