Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
