it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
