I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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