Already got asked if we're dating
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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