I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
