thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
