Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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