Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
