That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Green mimosas i think yes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
