I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
