His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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