I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
