i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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