My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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