Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
