They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize