If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your penis caused this!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
