we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
