shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
