PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
