I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
