We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
