I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
