3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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