I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
