i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize