the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
