he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
