you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
