Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
