Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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