Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
