I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
