I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
