also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
