if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
