I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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