oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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