Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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