I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
