when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize