First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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