Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
