It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
