forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
