she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
