Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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