any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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