my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and she was petting her beer can
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
