The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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