I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
