I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
