I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
