Where did you get a picture of my penis
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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